5 Common Mistakes Made When Caring For Someone With Dementia
Here are the five most common mistakes when caring for someone with dementia—and how to avoid them.
Has someone ever challenged you on something you were absolutely sure of? You know you’re right and ready to defend your position. But sometimes, what we think we know is clouded by our own perspective, and what we’re certain of turns out to be wrong. It’s a jarring experience, often leaving you embarrassed, but your brain can understand the mistake and move on. That’s not always the case for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia.
For them, their truth is their reality. Even when you present facts—like photo evidence—they can’t reconcile it with what they believe. Instead of resolving the situation, it only heightens their frustration.
Dementia care is counterintuitive. It’s like learning a new language, where emotions speak louder than facts. Here are the five most common mistakes when caring for someone with dementia—and how to avoid them.
Correcting Them
People with dementia often get things wrong. Maybe they’ll tell you something happened yesterday that actually happened weeks ago. Your first instinct? Correct them. But pointing out mistakes—no matter how small—can leave them feeling confused, embarrassed, or even angry. They may not remember the event, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. And that strain on the relationship sticks.
Instead of correcting them, go with the flow. If they tell you they had a great time walking in the park today when that happened two weeks ago, smile and say, I had a great time, too. Keep the moment peaceful, and your connection intact.
Reminding Them They Have Dementia
Throughout your journey as a caregiver, there will be countless moments when it seems completely logical to remind your loved one that they have dementia. It makes sense to say things like, Remember, you sold the car because driving wasn’t safe for you anymore due to your dementia, or Your memory caregiver helps you manage the house because of your dementia. These reminders seem practical, but they often backfire.
The reality is, many people with dementia simply don’t remember that they have the condition. Telling them can lead to confusion, frustration, or even anxiety. Imagine being told, over and over, that your brain no longer functions the way it once did. It’s not just upsetting—it’s disorienting. They might not fully understand the statement, but they will feel the discomfort and distress it causes.
This is where focusing on their emotions, rather than the facts, becomes crucial. Instead of reminding them why something is happening, meet them where they are emotionally. For example, rather than explaining why they no longer drive, you could say, How about I drive us to get some ice cream today? This approach eases tension, keeps the interaction positive, and makes dementia caregiving less of a battle and more of a shared experience.
Going It Alone
Caregiving isn’t just a task—it’s a relationship. And when that relationship becomes all about caregiving, the joy you once shared can get lost. You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Let a Calgary homecare provider who specializes in dementia care, like HomeFree, step in. By working with a team, you can delegate tasks, freeing up more time to focus on enjoying precious moments with your loved one. Try to carve out time for fun during your visits—it’s important to keep the relationship centered around connection, not just caregiving.
What you’re going through is, sadly, not unique. But the good news is, you don’t have to go through it alone. Dementia support groups are a valuable resource where you can share your challenges and hear from others who truly understand. The Dementia Network Calgary hosts Conversation Cafés throughout Calgary and surrounding areas like Okotoks and Airdrie several times a week. Alzheimer’s Calgary also provides support, resources, and educational sessions to help you become a more effective dementia caregiver.
Testing Their Memory
Testing someone’s memory who suffers from Alzheimer’s or dementia can unintentionally cause distress. Asking if they remember people or dates they’ve forgotten only reminds them of what they’ve lost. A better approach used by dementia care trained Care Professionals? Gently offer the information they might be missing.
Instead of asking, Do you remember your nephew, Brandon? try, Look, your nephew Brandon is here to visit! We haven’t seen him since last month. Now, your loved one can connect the dots without feeling embarrassed or ashamed.
Arguing with Them
When someone with dementia says something that doesn’t make sense—like insisting someone broke in and rearranged their furniture—it’s tempting to correct them with facts. But remember, no matter how well you present your case, you won’t “win” this argument. Their inability to reason isn’t going to just come back.
What matters more is getting to the outcome you want. Take a step back and think about how you can redirect them. Instead of arguing that no one has been in their home you could say, Oh, I moved some things around earlier. Would you like to help me put them back? You’ll bring them comfort instead of confusion, and that’s a win for both of you.
Building Stronger Bonds Through Dementia Care
Dementia care is about changing our approach to fit the circumstances of the disease. The brain is complicated, and while we’re still learning about Alzheimer’s and dementia, one thing is clear: how your loved one feels around you is more important than whether they remember what you said.
These common mistakes all stem from how you make a person with dementia feel, and they can put a real strain on your relationship. When that relationship becomes strained, the caregiving journey can feel even more challenging. Your loved one may withdraw or push back, which is why their symptoms often seem to ease—or even disappear—when they’re with someone else.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask for help. HomeFree’s Care Professionals are experts in dementia care, and they’re here to guide you through this journey. Let us help you focus on the moments that matter.
